Life Just Goes On...or does it?

Ok so...my second post on this blogger site.. has to do with how sometimes life just seems to go on..like some sort of...journey...and I'm just along for the ride.
Am I the only one who feels like that?

Sometimes honestly I just find myself riding in the car staring out the window and I see all the cars and everybody..everything passing me by. Sometimes it's hard to believe that everyone actually has their own life as well....I know they do..but sometimes it just feels like it's me..only me. Almost like a sort of...Matrix movie-type world where I'm living in my own separate world.....and I'm just...there.
Just a sort of puppet in the sense that I feel like sometimes I'm just going through the movements of life instead of actually living.

Steven Curtis Chapman worded what I'm feeling pretty much exactly to the point in his song "More to this life". He uses the phrase "Life just goes on." at the end of the verses and that's EXACTLY how I feel right now. No matter what happens...life just..goes on. Sometimes it feels like I've been left behind.
There's no "pause" or "rewind" button to use...no matter how badly I feel like I need or want one. Through anything and everything...life just goes on.

I'm living my life as a Christian teenager...a junior in a public high school...and no matter what happens life just keeps moving. Days go on past...new days come...and new days go. An inescapable cycle...an undisputed phenomenon of life...but one that I wish I COULD escape. I need something more to my life.

..All other Christians reading this are probably thinking the same thing I am right now...I just need more of God. And I know that's supposed to be the answer...or that it IS the answer..but I almost feel like I just don't know how to do it. What do I have to do to get there? I'm missing SOMETHING and I know it...and I also know it's something very..extremely important....otherwise I wouldn't feel like this.

There must be more than what I have...and I'm desperate to find it.

I'm tired of just going through life feeling like...like I'm just..THERE. It seems like everything is just going on..moving on...I'm getting older with time...time gets older in respect to itself and closer to coming to an end as to start a beginning of life relative to eternity instead of infinity.. and no longer to definite start-finishes...and all I do during this "time" passing me... is stare out a window feeling absolutely pointless.

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"There's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me..." ~Stacie Orrico

" But there's more to this life than living and dying,
More than just trying to make it through the day;
More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see,
And there's more than this life alone can be."
~Steven Curtis Chapman
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I feel like I'm in the middle of a "live-die" cycle...just trying to make it through a day...even though I'm not chasing down all these temporary highs...sometimes it feels like I'd get more out of life if I did...but I know that's not the truth, so I just hope the truth finds me.

I'm missing some aspect of my relationship with God..or SOMETHING...and right now I basically feel like my life is pointless.

I don't feel like I've had ANY impact ANYWHERE, on ANYONE. I need a point..a reason...I need something to happen so that I'm not just here..but so I'm actually living.

Have I made any impact at all?

Wise Words/ Serenity Prayer

"God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference."

~ Reinhold Niebuhr.

This is a section of a poem/ prayer entitled the "Serenity Prayer" by Reinhold Niebuhr. With a bunch of different situations arising in my life right now, coming across this piece of literature was...I hardly even know how to describe it...but I'm grateful that I stumbled on it.

It was a much needed reminder to the mindset that I need to be having about events in my life. Sometimes I just try to take too much control over everything myself...sometimes when I don't even know what I'm talking about...and that's when things fall even farther apart. Yet, it's still a lesson easily taught, but difficult to recieve or apply...even after being learned. For some reason...I try to do what I don't know how...because of untrust for even the people that do know. Which is another thing I have to be working on.

Whenever things go wrong...whether with me, or other people...I want to be able to fix it. But...some of the times I can't...No. Scratch that. A LOT of the time I can't. But I still try..which can sometimes be a good thing...but other times, I just end up driving myself crazy and I end up getting hurt in some way because of it...That's where this prayer comes in.

Sometimes I need that serenity to accept things I cannot change...other times I need more courage to change things I can...but most of ALL, I do just need the wisdom to truly, honestly tell the difference.

...on a random side note...I think that when I get married and have kids..I want to name one of my daughters "Serenity".

I think that would be a good name for a girl.

Serenity.