My Psalms; 4

Lord, who can come before You and not be changed?
Your loving kindness is more than I can bear
Your presence is overwhelming
Your passion ignites my very soul, And the burning threatens to explode in me

I am in this place of overflowing, and yet I'm wanting more
I only desire to know You, Lord.
To worship You in Your glory,
Behold You in all of Your beauty,
To dwell with You forever in Your Holy place, transfixed by Your majesty.

Draw me near, Lord
I know I am unclean and unworthy,
but I plead with You to cleanse me again from all my iniquity
To make me pure again in Your sight
That You would look on Your humble servant with favor
With a smile for me, and a twinkle in Your eye.

I long for you to draw me in like a Father holds his child,
For You to wrap Your arms around me,
Lift me up off my feet and hold me close.

Kiss my head,
Speak to me,
And draw me near.

My Psalms; 3

You, Lord, are like the waters;
A display of Your awesome might in every crashing wave,
With every raging Tsunami.
Yet You choose to be the soothing stream, and the calm, pure waters.

You are like the winds;
Such force rips the strongest trees from their firm roots,
And tosses them into the ocean with ease.
Yet You choose to be the cooling, gentle breeze;
Blowing softly upon the burned face.

You Lord, again, are like the fire;
Who in all of Heaven could contain Your raging flames?
Nothing would come close.

In the same way the sun outshines the stars during day,
And causes them to be invisible to us;
So Your burning brilliance will cause the sun to hide its own face,
On that day when You show Yours.

Your fire, Oh Lord, would do more than just scathe us.
Nothing can withstand or resist it.
Your fire consumes everything as if it is nothing.
But Lord, You choose to allow us to draw near.

You choose to let us dance in Your presence like these burning flames without harm,
Though we are truly nothing.
Who are we, that you choose to pull us close, and not destroy us with Your fire?

Instead of deserved death, You give us the blessings of Your flame,
So that we would be comforted by Your presence,
Protected in Your glory,
And warmed in Your mercy when the times become cold.

You are the Lion.
The One King,
With all power,
And all control.

Yet You came to us first as a Lamb.

To sacrifice Yourself for us,
That we might look to You,
Be with You,
Know You,
And Love You.
The Lion.
__________________

"...But one of the elders said to me, 'Do not weep. Behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah...' And I looked, and behold, in the midst of the throne and of the four living creatures, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Lamb..."

Revelation 5:5-6

Oath of a Man

On this day, I make an oath before God, myself and my brothers.
I choose to find my identity in God, not in the world, in another person
or in the works of my hands.
I will not shy away from God's calling in my life;
neither will I try and fulfill my calling in my own strength.
I will instead be led and influenced by Holy Spirit.
I will not seek to fulfill my needs with the things of this world;
but in every area I will be completely dependent on God.
I choose to be a man of purity and integrity in all areas of my life no matter the cost.
I choose to be a man after God's heart, not only after his blessing.
I will not be overcome with fear,
but I will exercise the authority and power God has given me with wisdom and love.
As a man I choose to live my life to these standards.
In accomplishing everything that I've just said I choose to make Jesus my role model.
Like him I will "act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God"- Micah6:8

My Psalms; 2

Lord, I put my trust in you
For I am not one to boast.
I have no reason to be proud.
My hands haven't done anything on their own.
What is my strength to You, Lord?

I need not worry about these problems that are over my head.
I will still myself, quiet my voice, and sit.

Peace be to the accuser in my head,
Let raging waters be calmed.

I will sit with my Daddy, with my eyes closed in the meadows of his grace.
Knowing I am loved. Knowing I am safe.
In Your rivers of endless mercy I will immerse myself in all my days.

My Psalms; 1

Lord God be near to me.
It feels like the enemy is constantly trying to attack at the places closest to me.
He ruthlessly batters at my head and my heart trying to gain ground.

Stand firm, oh God and don't back down.
Take your chosen position between me and my enemies
with the determination of a Father defending his son.

When I try to fight alone, I am defeated time and again.
The enemy wreaks terror in my mind, and causes more turmoil than I can bear.
He tries to take away those closest to me, Lord.
Attempting to turn them against me or sever the bonds beyond repair,
Without You there is no hope for me, God.

But You are here.
You are never far from me, gracious Father.
Even when I cannot see You or feel You, I know You are near.
You are looking after me, and have Your eyes fixed upon me.
You are my own personal guardian.

When all else crashes around me with all stops pulled,
You are the one who still stands firm, and you choose to stand in the way.
You place yourself in a protective stance around your servant,
And hide me away from those trying to harm me.

You always have my best interest in mind, heart, and hand.
You consistently and patiently give me reasons to trust in You,
And jump into Your arms
Never getting tired of my slow progress.

You have caused me to believe in Your promises,
That You desire me every day,
That Your love will never fail or leave me,
That I never fall too far into darkness or hopelessness for your redemption,
That You will lead me on Your path all my days,
That You will work all things together for my good.

I know that the things I see as troubles,
You see as opportunity to show me who You really are,
Opportunity to bless me,
Opportunity to grow me.
And You never fail to take advantage of them,
For You desire to express Your love.

Take my life as it is, Lord
Take these crashing walls.
Use them to show me what you have placed on the other side.
A blessing that you have positioned strategically,
To bring beauty from the ashes I see.

Never leave me to do this alone.
Stay strong Lord, and teach me to solely rely on You.
Lead me to a place where I desire only You,
And can freely hold everything else with open hands.
Be my everything, Father.
Let me have more of You.

Come Change Me (Forever More)

(Chorus)
Come change me
Come change me
Come change me
Come change me

(Verse 1)
Daddy, come and save me
From the mess that is within me
I don't want to hide it anymore,
anymore

(Verse 2)
Father come redeem me
From the mess that is within me
I don't want control anymore,
anymore

(Bridge)
This mess is not my own, anymore, anymore
I lay it all before you, Jesus take control, forever more, forever more
You have died that I might live, so now I choose to live, and live for you only

(Tag) You love me, You chose me, You love me, forever more

(Ending)
Thank You for taking all my pain
Thank You for taking all my shame
Thank You for taking all my weakness,
And using it, for Your glory

My Testimony

This is the testimony I wrote for the Worship and Intercessory school I want to go to next year.

The purpose of me posting this is because I hope that in reading it, you guys (and girls) might be encouraged, gain a little hope or faith, or that God would be able to speak to you through what he has done for me, and to bring glory to God for how he does not stop his relentless pursuit of our hearts until he has every part of us immersed in himself.
This is part of why I am so thankful to him.
____________________

I grew up in a Christian home and my parents are both pastors, so my testimony is not one like Saul being knocked off of his horse by the power of God and hearing his voice ask me why I am living the way I am. My testimony is a testimony of pursuit, of grace, of confirmation, restoration, promise, and conviction.

God has been involved in and fighting for my life ever since it started. I am not supposed to be alive today, but I am because of God’s grace. I was born five weeks premature, and immediately there were complications that threatened my life. I had massive internal bleeding in my brain and the doctors did not think I had any chance to live. I was taken away from my parents straight away, and put in intensive care for the next ten days. My parents’ church was notified and began praying and interceding for my life before the Father, and Father heard their prayers and acted. The next day my parents were told that I had a chance of living, but that if I did I would be a complete vegetable.

The church kept on praying for me throughout this whole time, and day-by-day for the next ten days, my condition improved. From near death, to a definite vegetable, to mentally retarded, all the way to the point where the doctors sent me home saying that I will live but develop slower than the rest of the children my age.
They were wrong again; God completely healed me.

I grew up in the church being taught about Jesus and having a relationship with God. As the pastor’s son I did my best to live up to the expectations that often seem to come along with that position. However, my life as I was living it was the very essence of a lukewarm love for, and relationship with Christ.
My personal times with God were nonexistent. I knew of my God, but I didn’t actually know him. I knew all the answers to the Bible questions and was looked at as a role model for the rest of the youth around me, but the position of my heart before my Father did not reflect what I tried to display.

I ended up falling deeply into addictions with pornography, which I struggled with for a long time. My heart was rotting inside as I was attempting to keep up a good image. I fell deeper until I thought there was no escape for my addictions. No matter how hard I tried, I would always fall time and time again. I began hearing the voice of Satan in my life saying that I would never live up to being a man of God, that I wasn’t worthy, and that I would never be free so therefore I should stop trying. I believed him. A great spirit of self-condemnation came over me and controlled my thoughts for many years. I started believing that it was God telling me these things, and as a result I became incredibly depressed and fell away from the Lord.

I went day to day knowing that God was the person I needed, but feeling that he was disappointed in me. I heard all these things from other people about how God is merciful, loving, full of grace and compassion, and that he is a helper who loves me and keeps no record of my wrongs; yet I had built up an image of God being a God who would not meet, encounter, or basically have anything to do with me unless I first fixed 1, 2, and 3.
I knew who my God was supposed to be, he just wasn’t.

God never let me go, though. Even when I was living my life not thinking about him and just going through the Christian motions, he was moving in my life. Time after time, God set me up and kept beckoning me towards him. God took me through the wilderness where I had to rely on God more than I had ever done before. I had to rely on him for the life of my parents, for my house, my ability to stay in school, even for food. God forced me to rely on him and to begin to ask him for things, and he spoke to me. God presented me with situations just so that he could show how he was faithful. I was getting a glimpse of the God I’ve heard about. When my life was out of control I cried out to the Lord and asked him to take care of me, and he did. God showed me that he was not the accuser in my mind, and that I had put boxes around who he was. I asked him to break them down at any cost, and I felt like I heard him ask, “Are you sure?” As soon as I replied yes, God started breaking down my walls.

God showed me who he was by cancelling every wrong thought I had about him one at a time. When I would think that he was disappointed in me, he would send someone with a prophetic word or a bible verse saying how he is pleased in me. That he is happy with me. That he delights in me every day.

When I asked him to speak to me something new, he took that invitation and ran with it: I did not trust myself with hearing God any more, because of how I would always get his voice confused with the accuser’s voice and my own. When I asked God to take that away and speak to me again, he sent people to pray over me for prophecy and the ability to discern voices in my head. Suddenly I could hear the Father’s voice and feel his heart like I never could before! It was refreshment like I had never breathed before in my whole entire life. When I asked him for the gift of tongues out of the desire to grow closer to him, he released my self-conscious voice to speak and sing in the spirit. I asked him to use me, and situations started arising left and right with opportunities to share the love of God, pray with, or prophecy over people.

One thing at a time, God started revealing to me his real personality. As I fell more in love with God, God demanded more of me. He floored me, saying that he desires to have ALL of me, every day, all the time. I did not know how that was possible, because for the first time I understood what that meant. As I asked him for direction, God introduced me to the Forerunner and Nazarite calling, along with the Numbers 6 passage. God moved me from a place of in sin, with a lukewarm passion at best, not even knowing the God I was worshiping, and feeling like God could never use me, to a place of being enthralled and in love with a God that I have a personal relationship with. A God who loves me and has caused me to fall over my head in love with him. One who is demanding my whole life and heart. All my affection.

I have learned that I live under the Romans 7 and 8 doctrine; that I am a sinner, but I am a sinner living under God's grace, instead of the law. My earthly life and eternal life have both been literally saved by the Father's love for me, and now I live in a spirit of thankfulness to him for it. I am a prodigal son who now lives with a single eye to glorify his redeemer, and striving to introduce people to him.

God bless,
~Jeshua David Frederick

My Future Wife...

Looking in your eyes, I can see straight through
to your heart, and there I know
That you are mine.
And that every little thing,
Is gonna be alright.
It'll be alright.

Smiling when you smile at me
I can't help it cause you smile, contagiously
At least for me, and I know
That every little thing is gonna, turn out fine.
It'll turn out fine.

I'll never have to wonder,
Never have to worry 'bout,
You and I.

You and I...

Cause when the rain starts pouring down,
And the tide starts picking up
Oh you know that we won't budge,
You know that we will stand.
Cause we plant our feet on rock,
Not in the sand.
Not in the sand...

And I know,

That when life's rising up to beat us
I know it won't defeat us.
Cause when you've got what we've got, what we've got
Ya can't let it go,
Ya can't let it go

And I know

That while you're standing over there,
Wind blowing in your hair, your heart
Is over here with me.
And so I'll never have to doubt
When the rain is pouring down,
Where your heart will be.
Oh where your heart will be...

And I can never know 100 percent,
If the sun will shine my way again.
And I will never know if the winds that blow
Will always spare my house and home,

But I know.

Yeah I know, that I know, that I know, that I know
Where your heart lies.
And looking in your eyes..
Looking in your eyes,
I can see you love me.

So I'll count the blessings I have today,
And thank my God for sending you my way.
Cause there ain't no way this would be true,
Without him guiding us on through.

And I can't begin to say, how thankful I am
To know he has us in his hand.
And to know he's always watching,
Over me and you..
So Lord, I thank you; For blessing me this way...
For this love, and the lessons,
And the growing, you've had me do.

I want to say thank you for
The girl right there
With the wind that's blowing through her long brown hair
And the smile that says she's happy,
To be here.

I want to thank you for how,
Looking in her eyes
I can tell she loves
That I'm her guy.

And God I pray that way, it'll stay,
As long as you want it to..

I pray I'll never take for granted
The blessing she is to me
And I pray I'll never hurt her
Oh Lord please let it be.

I pray you'll help me comfort,
Help me encourage,
Help me be a man.

Help me understand.

Help me to discern the jealousy,
Let it have no power over me.
And help me live with loyalty,
To trust she'll do the same for me.

Let me always be patient,
Always be kind,
And never to boast when it's tempting.
Let me always build up,
Never tear down,
Not think about myself gaining.

Help me never keep record,
Of when I've been wronged,
And always rejoice in the truth.
Help me protect, help me trust
Help us persevere, and live
With love, how you want us to.

I pray for many more times, where the sun will shine
And where the nights are clear for dancing,
Beneath the stars.
With transparent hearts.

I pray for days of comfort, I pray for days of peace
I pray for days enjoying her, being here with me.
Oh Lord let it be.
Lord let it be.

Prophetic Worship

This just speaks to me so much...I can't help but post two blogs in one day =).

I pray to be this anointed in my worship and even more.

I want to be able to sing God's word and heart to his children and speak his presence over a room.

I know it's not about me, but I want God to use me to make himself known and tangible.

Ginosko

Ok so it has been a while since I last blogged...about half a year apparently.  I know, I'm sorry, it's a problem. I don't even really know who reads these if I'm going to be serious.

Basically I have been changing...it's a rough process, but oh so worth it when the Lord breaks through.  It's up and down because I still fall a lot, and it kinda gets me down.  I mean, I know that the Lord wants me to get up, apologize, and keep pursuing him...but it's a bit harder than that for me to get past it myself.  I guess I hold myself to a pretty high standard.  In some ways it's dumb because I'm human and make mistakes, but then again, I know I'm capable to be just about all that I have my sights set on...it's still a ridiculous challenge though.

Many many ups and downs. One time I'll be in hot pursuit of God and experiencing him, and then however long later I'll fall again. Does this happen to everyone? I wanna just move past it.  I'm 100% sincere when I say that all I desire is for the Lord to be tangibly here, and present in my life...to make me who he wants me to be...and I'm acting on that more now and with more passion and desire than I have ever before in my life......but I still find ways to complicate things. I know I can't be perfect...I just wish I could come close to being close to being almost half way to being close to being....well you get it.

Psalm 27:4, Jude 1:24, and Ezekiel 36:26 have been the passages I have been relying on.

I just want God, sometimes he feels so close but right out of reach, other times he feels distant, but I want him to be HERE and know him.

Not just like...intellectually....but like...how do you say it...

the Greek word is ginosko....with those little - symbols over the o's.

it means "to know through experience; to perceive through the senses."  I want to know him through experience.